Build the Life You Want and Get Happier!

Ophrah Winfrey and Arthur C. Brooks believe you CAN get happier . . . and have a great adventure getting there.

In Build the Life You Want, Brooks and Oprah invite you to begin a journey toward greater happiness no matter how challenging your circumstances. Drawing on cutting-edge science and their years of helping people translate ideas into action, they show you how to improve your life right now instead of waiting for the outside world to change.

It’s easier to believe in happiness when times are good, but sometimes life’s hardships can feel like impossible barriers, making happiness feel out of reach. Other times, we just feel stuck, not unhappy, but wanting more out of life.

In the past decade the number of Americans suffering from depression has dramatically increased, especially among young adults. Our country, and the world, is in a “happiness slump.” People disagree about why this slump is happening on such a mass scale—blaming technology, or a polarized culture, or culture change, or the economy, or even politics—but we all know that it is happening.

If we’re angry or sad or lonely, we need people to treat us better; we need our finances to improve; we need our luck to change. Until then, we wait, unhappily, and can only distract ourselves from discomfort.

This is not another book with unrealistic promises of perfect bliss. It’s a science-backed work plan that meets you wherever you are and shows you how to make getting happier a daily practice.

The book is intended to show you how to break out of this pattern of unhappiness. You can focus your energy not on trivial distractions, but on the basic pillars of happiness that bring enduring satisfaction and meaning.

With insight, compassion, and hope, Brooks and Winfrey reveal how the tools of emotional self-management can change your life―immediately. They recommend practical, research-based practices to build the four pillars of happiness: family, friendship, work, and faith. And along the way, they share hard-earned wisdom from their own lives and careers as well as the witness of regular people whose lives are joyful despite setbacks and hardship.

Some of their wise advice includes:

Metacognition: Manage Your Emotions

Feeling angry, anxious, or having negative feelings is part of life, it’s how you manage those feelings that can help. One good rule of thumb devised by psychologists is to wait 30 seconds while imagining the consequences of saying what’s in your head.

When You Can’t Change the World, Change How You Experience It Instead

Changing how you experience your negative emotions can be much easier than changing your physical reality, even if it seems unnatural. Consider the emotions that your circumstances are stimulating in you. Observe them as if they’re happening to someone else and accept them. Write them down to make sure they are completely conscious. Then consider how you can choose reactions not based on your negative emotion, but rather based on the outcomes you prefer in your life.

If You Don’t Like Your Past, Rewrite It

You can’t alter history. You can, however, change your perception of it. The next best thing to a time machine is rewriting the story of your memories using metacognition, making the baggage of your past a little lighter on your shoulders as you travel through the present and future.

Practicing Metacognitions

Metacognition requires practice, especially if you haven’t ever thought about it before. Here are four ways to get started:

• First, when you experience intense emotion, simply observe your feelings.
• Second, journal your emotions.
• Third, keep a database of positive memories, not just negative ones.
• Fourth, look for meaning and learning in the hard parts of life.

Choose the Emotions You Want

When it comes to our emotions, most of us have more power than we think.  How our emotions affect us, and our reaction to them, can be our decision. It’s not to say we can or should feel happy when someone we love dies, but rather that there are many times when there are two emotional options that match the circumstances we face. One of those options is better than the other for our happiness (and that of others).

Equipped with the tools of emotional self-management and ready to build your four pillars – family, friendship, work, and faith — you can take control of your present and future rather than hoping and waiting for your circumstances to improve. Build the Life You Want is your blueprint for a better life.

As Oprah says, “If you want to make yourself happier, you already have everything you need to do so, within you, at any moment, at this moment.”