What’s the Secret to a Happy Life? Relationships!
Whether you wish for financial success, wealth, early retirement, or a beach house, it’s likely that none of these things will bring the happiness you seek.
What makes for a happy life, a fulfilling life? A good life? In their fascinating book, the directors of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, the longest scientific study of happiness ever conducted, show that the answer to these questions may be closer than you realize.
What makes a life fulfilling and meaningful? The simple but surprising answer is: relationships. The stronger our relationships, the more likely we are to live happy, satisfying, and healthier lives. In fact, the Harvard Study of Adult Development reveals that the strength of our connections with others can predict the health of both our bodies and our brains.
In their New York Times bestselling book, The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness, authors Robert Waldinger, MD, and Marc Schulz, PhD, deliver invaluable insights from the revealing personal stories of hundreds of participants in the Harvard Study as they were followed year after year for their entire adult lives, beginning in 1938 and still going today for new generations. This wisdom was bolstered by research findings from many other studies involving many thousands of people from all over the world.
Relationships in all their forms — friendships, romantic partnerships, families, coworkers, tennis partners, book club members, Bible study groups, and others — all contribute to a happier, healthier life. And, as The Good Life shows us, it’s never too late to strengthen the relationships you already have, and it’s never too late to build new ones.
Personal relationships give us resilience and provide happiness and meaning. The opposite is true for lonely people.
The authors believe that making social fitness central to health education is especially important in the context of the rapidly evolving technologies that effect how we communicate and develop relational skills.
The thousands of stories from the Harvard Study “show us that the good life is not found by providing ourselves with leisure and ease. Rather, it arises from the act of facing inevitable challenges, and from fully inhabiting the moments of our lives.” The book also tells us that as we learn how to love and how to open ourselves to being loved, as we grow from our experiences, and we stand in solidarity with others through the joys and adversities of our lives, the good life quietly appears.
Dr. Walinger suggests there are steps we can take to strengthen our connections to others, including:
1. Take the initiative. Ask a friend to walk, have lunch or coffee, or something you both would enjoy doing together.
2. Establish a routine to get together – like meeting for coffee, lunch, or a walk once a week.
3. Propose to do something new to your spouse or partner, like going out on a date, or going for a walk (if that’s not a regular habit already).
4. Connect with friends/others around shared interests – volunteer together, go to movies, discuss books you like, swim, play tennis or pickleball, etc.
5.
Strike up conversations: Get more comfortable striking up casual conversations. You can get better at it with practice.
6. Think about someone you miss and make contact – call, write them a note, or reach out in whatever way you are most comfortable. You might tell them what they mean to you or how they have made a difference in your life. Then watch what comes back to you.
The good life is not a destination. It’s the path itself along with the people who are walking it with you. As you walk:
- Second by second, you can decide to whom and to what you give your attention.
- Week by week, you can prioritize your relationships and choose to be with the people who matter.
- Year by year, you can find purpose and meaning through the lives that you enrich and the relationships you cultivate.
The authors say that by developing your curiosity and reaching out to others – family, loved ones, coworkers, friends, and even strangers – with one thoughtful question at a time, one moment of devoted attention at a time, we can strengthen the foundation of a good life and make our lives happier and more meaningful.
